Monday, March 02, 2009

How did I originate?

Ok…it’s been a long time since I have blogged. So I am a little…sort of…umm…let’s say…alienated from the feeling. It’s like not having asked any girl out for a date for a long time and then when a girl pops out of simply nowhere…it feels strange. Nevertheless, let me make an attempt with the hope that you will like it.

After all these years of intense investigation and research, I have finally unearthed the secret of how I came to this world. Now, before you snigger and jump to conclusions, let me clarify that I am talking purely about my interpretation of why I am the way I am.

The year was 1983. The month was December. My parents got married and my paternal grandmother, for reasons known best to her, wanted a grandson. Such was a case with a lot of grandmothers back then but honestly, I personally find no reason to crave for a grandson. Anyway, my parents were obviously under a lot of pressure. So they got down to praying. And as we all know, a good bribe works well not just with humans but with deities as well. When their petition for a son reached God, He was pretty tempted by the various things he had been offered as a bribe so He decided to put this file on the express route. There were other couples who had also placed their petitions so all the humans manufactured at that point of time were booked. Now, when my parents’ petition reached the production department, the craftsmen were a little vexed. All that they had in surplus quantity were animals and some raw material. But the raw material itself was not enough to manufacture a human.

Now, God…being God…came up with a brilliant idea. He decided to mix and match things. Anyway, everything that God gives has a tag that reads “Goods once sold will not be taken back” so that ruled out any chance of an exchange! He picked up the raw material and gave it a human form. Then he picked up the porcupine and took off its hair. Hence I have hair that looks like a porcupine and no matter what I do, it keeps bouncing back to shapelessness. From the giraffe he picked up the height so I ended up being absurdly tall. I do not mean that I am the tallest you will come across but I think my height is absurd nevertheless. Though yes, on the positive side, it allowed me to date the most wonderful woman in the world and her being tall made me feel a little less absurd. For the ears and the nose, he roped in the dog and trust me, it is not one of the best things to have the ears and the nose of a dog because I have ended up hearing and smelling things I would have rather done without. From an elephant God picked up the appetite so I keep eating all the time! Damn! My nose was borrowed from a seal which is why it is round and broad. I mean…that’s one thing I hate about myself!! There are a few other thing I would not mention. In short, I am a mix and match of several species and once God had put me together, he marveled at the strange thing he had created. And for the past 24 years, my parents have time and again debated whether it was a good or bad to push God into sending them a little warped human so soon! No wonder they never wanted to have any more kids. Once bitten…twice shy after all!

Adios.

11 comments:

Whats in a name.......... said...

"There are a few other thing I would not mention." and what are they shom??haan?? *innocent look*
and no ur nose has not been borrowed from a seal......its a horse's i think!!!hehehehe
very funny post!!!!i like!i like!!

Vijayshree said...

U have owl like traits too. How could u forget that?.. :)

This was really funny. Ur trying to prove ur more animal than human?. . ;)

Wizard OfCourse said...

@mariya: sweets...if i had to mention the things, don't you think i would have done that already? it's a public forum darling...those things will be told to you over phone (wink wink)
horse's nose...hmm....now...let me think...it does have monstrous nostrils but it's not even close in length! i am glad u like u like :D

@vijayshree: oh damn! i totally forgot the owl bit...nevertheless it shall be covered in the sequel when i find out more things about myself. i am not trying to prove anything lattuji...all i am trying to put forth are facts as per my observations :)
(hehehehe)

Whats in a name.......... said...

wian wian wian its wian!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wizard OfCourse said...

ok ok...
wian wian wiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan...
:P

Whats in a name.......... said...

blog blog blog naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!1

Anonymous said...

It was interesting how you started with a topic of girl and connected it with your features....I think God did his best :) I think you are perfect as you are....just chill..Be a little bit of naughty...little bit of sober...little bit of serious....little bit of joker...respect ladies....treat them as what they are...:)...control your senses....and you will achieve what you want in your life....

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