Friday, December 21, 2007

chomp chomp...


Hello everyone!

I am back again to chew your brains. Chew them nice and slow and carefully so that it is easily digested because after all, I am not a cannibal by nature. It will take some time for me to get used to the dish on the menu called “Human Brain sans Spices”. Yeah I know the dish sounds crazy and complicated but then…the brain IS a pretty complicated thing, isn’t it? On the other hand, I myself have a tiny little brain which sometimes is incapable of processing information and deliver and hence I have to make up for it by chewing others’ brains and adding them to my stock. Pure business…nothing personal. :-D

But what surprised me the most was what some of my readers said. As it is, I was pleasantly surprised to know that people do read this incomprehensible rubbish that I write…as in they have the time to do so but what surprised me even more was the fact that they wanted more of it! Believe it or not, some of them actually asked me to write more often because they like reading my blog. The capability and capacity of human beings to indulge in self torture amazes me! But then again…if it wasn’t for readers like them…my blog would have just been another wandering webpage in cyberspace! All said and done, I thank all the readers who have read my blog and continue to do so. It feels nice. Now, before I get swayed by my emotions and start crying out of joy, let me move on…

I have been doing some thinking to kill time. I write this blog for myself. Crazy, irrelevant, good or bad…whatever it is, I write it for myself and hence there is no fixed guideline to guide it. But I was thinking of giving it a direction. Sarcasm and stupidity come to me naturally. I was born sarcastic and stupid I guess…but then that will be quite a combo won’t it? And all the readers who have the patience to sit through it, most probably because of the lack of anything better to do at that point in life, probably do so because my posts don’t follow the rules of demand and supply and I guess people do want a break from the monotony of life and these utterly insane pieces I write provide that. So I guess somewhere, unknowingly I AM following the rules of demand and supply my filling up the gap. But one earnest request readers, please leave your comments on the posts because I get to know that someone has read it. Feels nice you know? Specially for someone like me who writes for the bread, butter and other dishes that make up the meals. Oh, and that does not include the dish “Human Brains sans Spices”.

One thing I am certain about. I have a strange life. At least strange enough to weave it into a story and make a movie out of it. Now the movie sells or not is my lookout. But experience has reinstated my belief in the fact that strange stuff does sell and indeed…it sells well! And I can be a serious threat to Albert Einstein sometimes due to sheer presence of intellect! I will give you and example so that you understand it better. But do not…I repeat…do not laugh at it. Shut your nose, choke yourself, bury your face in the pillow or bite any part of your body to stop yourself but DO NOT LAUGH. I mean come on, just because you are intelligent, you do not have the right to make fun of those who lack it! Anyway, one fine day, I had to scribble something on a piece of paper because I was thinking of concepts and I couldn’t find a shred of paper…let alone a whole sheet. I looked everywhere but I couldn’t find any. So guess what I did? I took a blank printout. Yes, if you think this is funny, then you haven’t heard of what people around me are capable of. Another not so fine day, this other friend of mine was sitting with me to wrack his brains for ideas when I suddenly saw a flash of wisdom in his eyes and thought he had come up with something amazing when he looked at me and asked me a question that left me staring at him…blankly. The question was…when a hen lays an egg, does it grow in size between the time it is laid and the time it hatches? Some people surprise me even more! While I was in college, we had gone partying and there were ten people. Four couples and two singles. One of those singles happened to be the hopeless me…and the other was a girl. So circumstances forced to pretend to be a couple. So far so good. Then this so called female partner of mine decided to go on an overdose of whatever alcoholic beverage she was drinking and needless to say, was sloshed. She sat behind me on the bike (yes, I am so poor I can’t afford a car…can anyone donate one to me?) and I was riding slowly to prevent her from falling off because she was sleeping (I mean SOUND ASLEEP) with her head resting on my back. Suddenly she woke up and said “don’t worry…ride fast…if I fall, I will give you a missed call and you can pick me up!”

I told you my life is crazy! Ok…now I will not give you an overdose of my insanity and my life lest something similar happens to you. Besides…I have a little work and I am bored of writing this piece. For those who think I don’t work…I DO! Though I agree it is rare but I do. And if you liked this one then leave your comments. I promise I will be back real soon.

Adios.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Why doesn’t God pay taxes?!



(This piece is not written with the intention of hurting the sentiments of any ethnic group, religion or individual. It does not have any blasphemous intention either. It is just an attempt at harmless humor. Though, if it does hurt anyone’s sentiments or feelings, then I do apologize and before I begin…I would also like to extend the apologies to God himself and hope He takes it with a pinch of salt.)

Once again, my little T forms an inspiration for yet another piece of creative nonsense. An attempt at humor…but pointless nevertheless. The only thing this piece has to offer is a little bit of entertainment to anyone who’s bored in life.

We (little T and me) were talking and during conversation one of us just happened to mention how God must be amused and entertained by our story. And I am sure that ours is not the only story. There must be plenty more across the world that keep Him entertained. “The world is a stage….” this thing written by Shakespeare doesn’t hold so true in anyone else’s case! But then…for such top class entertainment at all times across various genres and time zones…shouldn’t there be an entertainment tax levied on him?! Then again, believers all around the world put forth their offerings in cash and kind to Him and that should attract an income tax, shouldn’t it? I mean…no offence but I am just looking at it from the point of view of a mere mortal who pays his taxes and has seen people pay taxes for income, entertainment and services which are of far inferior quality! Then with just top of line the line stuff…why are the taxes exempted?

The reason I think, is the fact that nobody in any revenue and tax department around the world has the guts to actually send Him summons for evasion of taxes and besides…the other problem is…what address does one send the summons to?! Though suing Him for evading taxes IS a solution since all lawyers apparently reside in the Devil’s domain and Lucifer definitely will be more than willing to help but the risk is that he may ask for the person’s soul in return. Not a cheap bargain now, is it?! In any case, I really don’t think mortals would want to sue God and risk enraging Him.

Hence He remains untouched by law…safe and secure from any legal action. I guess this is just one of the many fringe benefits of being God but I guess considering the amount of hard work that it takes to play God, this kind of leeway can be given. What do you say?

Adios.