Sunday, November 16, 2008

An extraordinary petition

Hello Sir/Ma’am,

I have heard you’re the President of this country and have a lot powers in matters regarding the safety of all your citizens. Hence I am writing this petition to you because my life is in grave danger. Every successive day brings along new threats.

Let me introduce myself to you so that you are better equipped to understand the gravity of the matter. I am a house lizard and my name is inconsequential. What is relevant is that through my personal experiences, I speak for the millions like me around the world. I have been living in this house ever since I remember. I have adorned the walls of this house ever since childhood and was happy to feed on the insects and roaches in the vicinity. We were a happy family of three brothers and two sisters. Now, I am the only one left alive. Two bothers of mine lost their lives due to food poisoning because they ate up a roach that had been killed by a pest control spray. One of my sisters was killed by the same spray when it was sprayed all over her by this monstrous human. She died an agonizing and undignified death. I mean, killing the prey and predator with the same insecticide is shameful! It has shattered our respect and honour. My youngest brother was flushed away when he went to take a bath and drowned. I didn’t even have the chance to perform his last rites and give him a proper funeral and my youngest sister was shot dead, quite literally. In fact, the same adolescent human who shot my sister is now after my life, armed with a shotgun that fires plastic pellets. Maybe the humans can bear the impact of those pellets but we lizards are fragile creatures. We just resemble dinosaurs and alligators but we are neither as fierce nor as strong as them. In fact, I was under attack last evening and the human shot my tail off! I was supposed to take my girlfriend out to dinner in the loft since it has a marvelous supply of roaches and a variety of other insects but this incident put me through immense embarrassment because not just the other lizards, but even the roaches and flies were laughing at me, even while running for their lives! It was disgusting, to say the least. I do not know what harm I have caused to these humans. Maybe they do not realize that I am their most natural pest control agent with no side effects and my absence shall see the rise of the creepy crawlies in this house. My brown skin compliments the beige walls of this house and to strike up a friendship with humans, I also tired making attractive designs my contorting my body into various shapes, but to no avail. My food supply is dwindling rapidly and I am writing to you from behind the tube light holder where I have been hiding for the last two days. Please send the air force, army, paramilitary forces or whatever else is required to bail me out of here and save my life. Post that, I plan to sue these humans and will be highly obliged if you help me with a few references.

I am really looking forward to a positive response because anything else will be fatal for me.

Thanking you,
Yours sincerely,

The Little House Lizard.

19 comments:

Whats in a name.......... said...

when i started reading the post i thot it wud be somethin serious, so i was all like hmmm,,lets read this!! and right now i am off my chair!!
i fell!!!laughing!!!!superb!!
lol lol lol
p.s- do u have something for lizards??!! this is ur second post on them nai??hehehe

Wizard OfCourse said...

wian: your comments encourage me to write and i love you for that!!
FOR THAT :D
and i am glad i could make you fall off your chair...hehe...hope you didn't hurt yourself though...

Whats in a name.......... said...

wizard-huh!! i can read even if things are not written in caps!!:P

Wizard OfCourse said...

i know i know...but you see...caps help prevent ANY misinterpretation :D
what say?

Whats in a name.......... said...

huh huh huh!!:P

Wizard OfCourse said...

huh for what darling?! :O
me conphoojed!

Sudha said...

Btw, you've been tagged. Did you see?

Wizard OfCourse said...

i have?!?!?!

ambalika said...

Like... there was far too much lizard talk in this one for me to even GET TO appreciating the writing style. Sorry.. im completely grossed out!

Wizard OfCourse said...

ambalika!!! you were supposed to comment on the FIRST POST...about the cicus in town...not this! :p

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