Thursday, May 15, 2008

thinking of my little princess...

I am standing on the terrace. Getting drenched in the rain and the storm. Reminiscing the moments with you. I remember that night when we spread out quilts there and I slept holding you in my arms. That patch still has your warmth in it. When I am lonely or upset, I go and sit there. It feels like I have you back in my arms. I remember the day that I had dozed off while you were here and you left me a note saying that you were leaving with a wish that I slept well and I ran to this terrace frantically to find you looking away into infinity and held you from behind. You were a little startled…and then you smiled. On the way down, your foot slipped on the slippery stairs and I held you again so that you didn’t fall. One thing I could never stand…still can’t…is to see you get hurt. A scratch on you is like a gash on me.

That day comes back to my mind when we did a Titanic, standing on this very terrace. Life was so complete! Then those nights, when while I spoke to you, an airplane flew overhead and I couldn’t hear you for a brief moment due to the noise. I despised the airplane because I had missed something that you had said. Even this house has a memory of yours in every corner. And without you, it will always remain a mere house…it will never be home. It has the floor that you walked on, the wardrobe that you leaned on and the mirrors that you saw your reflection in. I can still see your face in those mirrors when I look at them. Those days when I came back home and you welcomed me with a hug saying, “you must be cold”. Believe me dear, I never felt warmer in my life. These days when I come back home and unlock the door, I feel your absence every moment. When I cooked for you in the kitchen and you came and sat on the counter and started those pointless conversations which still seem to have so much meaning. If I told you to go back and rest, your only retort was, “I am here to spend time with you, not eat!”

This bed still lies here, the same one that we slept on, holding each other. Now I spend nights on it…absolutely sleepless. The wash room that we bathed in, the balcony that you stood in when you were upset and tears streamed down your eyes. You hugged me and I could feel your tears drop on my shirt. I held you tight to tell you that no matter what happens, I will stand by you till my last breath. So little was spoken, yet so much was said. My wardrobe still has a part reserved for you just like my life because if I ever have you back in my life, I want you to come back and see that everything is just as you left it. I have forgotten what life was like when you were not a part of it. Just seems like a frightening blur in the distance. Your memories on the other hand, are as fresh as ever. It has been a long time that I have been in love with you darling. And this love will never fade away.

It’s true that I have hurt you. Maybe beyond what words can undo, but I hope life gives me one last chance to tell you that you mean the world to me. You hate me now…and maybe you always will but my love for you will stay and grow stronger by the day. For me, to love you, a lifetime wouldn’t suffice because you mean a lot more than that. The world around me is teeming with people. But I feel frozen in the frame of time with your memories. Each one lies etched vividly in my mind. Life without you seems very incomplete. All I can say is that my love for you is true and I am ready to do anything humanly possible to make you believe that I regret what I did. I failed to understand you and fear that it might be too late to win you back but I hope…I hope I have one last shot at life. There are memories with you that are bitter, but I hope and pray I gave you enough memories to cherish that outlast the ones that are bitter. In case life refuses to offer me a chance, I just wish you have the best of everything and even my share of joy. I will be content with your share of sorrow. At least there will be something of yours that I shall have. The single gift you gave me always stays close to me because I am afraid of losing it just like I lost you…I still carry the little notes you wrote to me. I feel you through them. In those notes, I find your essence…your fragrance.

I have only two things to say to you little angel. First, that I love you with everything I have ever had. Second, that I am sorry…please forgive me. I shall wait for you just round the corner in case you decide to change your mind. You’re way too precious for me.

I shall be forever yours. Just yours.

14 comments:

VJ.. :) said...

I truly hope n pray that u get ur love back..
This was very moving..

Wizard OfCourse said...

hey! thanks :)
i just hope the person its meant for some day understands this...
but the comment was very encouraging.

VJ.. :) said...

Well i dnt know the background to the vacuum created in the relationship but if d person loved u truly, she'll understand at some point of time in her life definitely!

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