Thursday, July 30, 2009

Gods Wanted

I had been suffering from an extreme lack of ideas all this while. Hence, no post. But today, out of the VIBGYOR, I thought of something. Here it is:
The world is changing. And fast! Infrastructure, technology, science and everything else, is undergoing a drastic change. Why should mythology and divinity be any different? In addition to the good old Gods, we need a few young and contemporary ones too. So here is a look at how the recruitment ad for these new Gods will look like.
The department of Divine Resource Management is recruiting for the positions mentioned below. The salaries are negotiable with additional perks like 50% of food and money offered to the deity by devotees. Please read the roles and responsibilities carefully before applying.

God of Traffic Control

The candidates should be skilled in traffic management with minimum 1 year of experience in managing Godly duties. Candidates from departments like War, Wisdom and Destruction will be given preference. Role will include managing traffic in the busy centers, miraculously fixing malfunctioning signals, answering prayers about reducing traffic etc. Ideally, the candidates should be between 40 – 150 years of age, and should, in no way exceed 200 years. Additional responsibility includes cleaning up after accidents as well.

God of Reality Shows

The candidates should be skilled in managing viewer mindsets. They should be well versed with the concept of TRPs and should respond quickly to prayers from producers, directors and viewers. Rewarding fair participation and punishing sleazy practices will also form a part of the role. Minimum 1 year of experience required. Candidates from Knowledge, Music and Intellect will be given preference. Age should not be more than 50 years. Computer literacy is a must.

God of Pollution Control

The candidates should have at least 5 years of experience in various departments. Role will include pollution control, rewarding environmentally aware creatures and punishing reckless creatures. Must respond to prayers from all species within 24 hours. Age should not be less than 200 years. Fraternizing with God of Natural Resources, God of Industrialisation and God of Capitalism will not be tolerated. God of Capitalism does not refer to the US.

God of Advertising

The candidate should specialize in conning techniques and influencing mindsets. Prior experience in any form of communication will be preferred. Should be able to respond quickly to any prayer from anyone in the advertising business. Perks will include a part of the profits. Age, preferably between 50 – 100 years.
All applications should reach the Department of Divine Bullshit, latest by doomsday. Applications received after that will not be tolerated. All applications can be mailed to or alternatively, the candidate can call 1800 – HOLYCRAP for further details.

Till I write something stupid again…


Whats in a name.......... said...

ok.shom.wizard. listen.
btw, u can apply for the post of the ad god, age will be a problem but a few years here and there should not be an issue eh??hehe
loved teh crazy post!!!keep writing!!

Wizard OfCourse said...

oh ho!! i am flying! this wonderful...i simply love this adulation. that too from you mariya...
and well...i am crazy so the posts are bound to be crazy too. and as far as applying goes...i am half a freaking century behind!!
you really...actually...genuinely liked it? wow! :P

Maverick's Salaam said...

NICE,creative, well written, and fun to read BUT
u forgot to mention
god of perstering
post filled by shom gupta

Is that good enough
now stop pestering

Wizard OfCourse said...

this is brilliant Cheeta! :P
and yeah...i thought of including that section but then you see...i don't believe in blowing my own trumpet :D
though i am honoured...

andy said...

It is superb love it....
and hilarious i am gonna mention this to all my 'HINDU' frnds coz noone else is gonna understand it...

JOYita said...

This is funny!! Keep them comming!:)

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