Absolute rubbish!

Ok. Before I begin, please answer this: how much wood would a wood-chuck chuck, if a wood-chuck could chuck wood?

The answer is simple: a wood-chuck would chuck as much wood if a wood-chuck could chuck wood.

Now, that definitely made no sense, did that? I will be surprised if it did because in truth, that was absolute gibberish. Let me now come to the main topic. Rubbish or gibberish is something that is one can call an art. No I am not kidding. In fact, talking or writing absolute gibberish with complete finesse is a matter of a lot of practice and like any other skill, practice hones this skill as well!

People have been speaking bullshit (pardon my use of expletives, please) ever since the dawn of time and continue to do so at their convenience. What is not easily found is the finesse. Rubbish, if laced with a dash of the right tone and style can be extremely effective. It can con the world! Look at our politicians for example. They have been giving us the same gibberish through all these years and they still end up being in power. What is more surprising is the fact that we are the ones who put them there!

Most bosses also are extremely proficient at this and in fact, it is a kind of must have quality to have to become a boss! Oops! Did I give you a secret?! Sorry. Delete the file from your memory. Delete delete delete…! No offence to any boss. It is all in good spirit...

The profession I am into has taught me two things. First is that when one can’t convince a person with logic, he or she should confuse the person with utter crap. Second is that when one can’t be bedazzled with brilliance, it is best to baffle the person with bullshit (pardon me again) because that is the only way out! Let me now introduce myself. I am a copywriter. For those of you who do not know, my job is to write all the stuff that fills up your ears during the commercials! For Christ’s sake, absolute incomprehensible gibberish with total finesse is what forms my bread, butter, jam, omelets, sausages, coffee and sugar! Look at the effectiveness of fine rubbish…people actually believe that the brand ambassadors actually use the products they endorse! I mean, that too, in spite of subconsciously realizing that it isn’t true.

Absolute and good quality rubbish is pretty useful in real life too! It can get people out of really sticky situations and that too, unscathed! Sounds good? I know but then it requires skills that have to be polished over years. Lying confidently is one such sub art. When you lie, believe in it completely and the confidence will radiate on your face!

Because if one listens carefully, nothing in this world can be absolute rubbish unless one has spent countless hours perfecting the art. And all the while that one lies, one has to be aware of the string that is going to be built.

Now I am smiling to myself. Look at yourself. I am sitting here at three in the freaking morning because I am bored, writing this piece of trash (literally) and you’re actually reading it! No offence. Just kidding but now you know that people read through and listen to complete crap even without realizing it! I am planning to start coaching classes. Tell me if you want to join. The guarantee is that you will be a master at this art. And no…the guarantee is not rubbish. Tell me if you liked this piece or not. I shall wait.

Adios.