Little conversations…

A lot of times I sit and think of you. Your face and that smile are crystal clear in my mind. A lot of times, things give me a feeling of déjà vu. I remember little conversations we had and how much difference they made.

There was one night when dad was here. He was sleeping and I was talking to you, standing on the terrace. I had asked you out but you hadn’t made a yet decision then. I was ranting on about how I dislike my parts of my past and how difficult it was for me to explain to you how much I love you. You patiently heard me out for 45 minutes. And then you spoke.

“You know what I feel like doing right now?” you asked.

“What?” I said

“I feel like coming there and giving you a big hug” you replied.

I felt like dropping everything and flying to you. That was one moment when I really wished I had wings…

Then there was my cousin’s wedding. I was at his place with celebration in the air. But no celebration in my life has ever been complete without you and neither will it ever be. So I called you. You sounded upset. You were crying. I could feel the tears in your voice.

“I will call you later” you said.

“No listen…one second…talk to me dear” I replied. I have always been persistent, haven’t I?

So after a while you started speaking. You broke down. I hated myself for being so far away from you. I wished I could run to you and hold you in my arms till those tears faded away and I wished I could make you smile. I didn’t know what to say so I let my heart speak. I heard all that you had to say with silence and then spoke. After about an hour, I heard you laugh. It felt wonderful. I could make my little princess laugh. You kept insisting that I should go back and have fun with the people here but for me, someone was far more important. It was you, my dear. Weddings happen all over the world everyday but I never want to see you cry. Even today, I wish I have the tears that belong to you while you take the smiles and joys from me. I will gladly trade the happiness in my life for the sadness in yours darling. That, I guess is love.

At the reception again, I called you. The place was teeming with people. Some I knew. Most, I didn’t. But without you I felt very lonely and out of place. Seemed like a part of me was missing. I told you about the incessant bugging of people and how I had to welcome people who were total strangers and how I had very conveniently been put in charge of food and beverages. You laughed at my inane descriptions and though I was making a total fool of myself, I loved it baby because it made you smile.

I remember when I had fever, you told me to tell the fever to go find someone else because I hated competition. I laughed. Inside me, I wanted to run to you and tell you that no matter what happens, I will never let you go away. I will hold you close and be with you. And no woman can ever be competition to the place you held in my life. You still hold that place my love.

I remember rushing to pay my phone bills so that I would talk to you a little more because being so far away from you, it was the only way I could feel your warmth beside me as I lay on the bed after a hard day. Today, time and again I feel like picking up the phone and dialing your number but I stop short of it because maybe you wouldn’t like to hear my voice now. Even today, I crave for those seemingly meaningless conversations that had so much meaning. My arms lie outstretched in the hope that I will have the chance to hold you in them again…

It is a hope. It is a bleak spot of light in the dark. But light, nevertheless. I love you and I will always be only yours…

When it rains cats and dogs…

Of late, it’s been pouring in this city. May be very soon, Delhi will be in competition with Venice. Anyway, that’s for later. Right now, let me talk of what’s more immediate.

First of all, it reminds me of little T. But coming to think of it, what doesn’t? So I shall not get into that either. So the question is, what on earth do I want to get into in this post? Good question. Read on…

Let me begin with the weather. It is the perfect setting for a steaming hot flask full of strong coffee with baked or fried snacks, dim lights, an engrossing book and soft music. Sounds like a utopian world, doesn’t it? I know. But then there is more to this utopia than meets the eye.

To begin with, when it rains this heavily, visibility is reduces almost to half and with traffic like Delhi, you better make sure your insurance policy is in place before you step out. The other thing is that bacteria grows in the rainy season and hence the garbage dumps give out an amazing fragrance that the human mind is not evolved enough to appreciate! Third, cars zooming past may, in perfect coordination with the puddles on the road, spray you with colours that will never fade from those wonderful clothes. Good idea. Next time when I have to colour my white shirt “earthy brown” I will simply wear it and stand next to a puddle in the rain. Yet another thing is that we all know water to be a force to reckon with. When it can cut through rocks, how do these man made roads stand before the rain? Result; bikes skid, cycles topple and cars fail to brake! And I almost forgot that the muck around can actually make you feel like you walking on a piece of soggy cake.

So much for criticism. Allow me to now get a little romantic. Little droplets of rain pattering away at the window panes, the Sun enveloped by the clouds and symphony played by the rain drops crashing against solid surfaces deepen the roots of laziness in a person. And if you have the right company, which idiot will want to step out? The smell of the wet earth and the greenery around are so intoxicating that there is every chance that a person just remains frozen for a while. After a shower, everything looks so washed and renewed!

Watching the kids play and splash in the rain while setting paper boats afloat gives me a feeling of déjà vu. Amidst all this, wonderful aroma rises from some kitchen and carried by the wet wind to my doorstep. Sometimes, I just feel like running out in the rain like the good old days. But I am stuck with work in office! Damn.

There are little earthen bowls placed on the terrace that collects the water during rains and later, birds that perch on the terrace drink out of those bowls. Rains are known to be all the more enticing to people in love. No wonder I am missing little T.

Oh!! The rains just got heavy again…and after having written all this about the rain, I just can’t sit here and not go and get drenched! So I am off. And considering it’s almost 3 at night, if you find this post a tad bit weird, dismiss it as a figment of imagination of an insane mind.

Adios.

Advantages and disadvantages of being tall…

Every coin has two sides. Good and bad. So does one’s height. Now, I stand six feet two inches above sea level so I haven’t quite had a chance of being short but I can sure tell you the sunny and cloudy aspects of being tall. Read on, if you please…

I shall begin with the disadvantages because the best (read advantages) should be saved for the last.

First, if a person is taller than the average height then he or she stands a good chance banging his or her head into objects dangling from the ceiling. Be it a wind-chime, a lamp or a bell in a temple. One goes clanking everywhere!

In fact, I hit my head so many times in the frame of the door of my house that my dad finally changed the frame itself!

Second, a taller frame means lesser availability of basic necessities like clothes and shoes because taller people are bound to have longer limbs. In fact, I remember, while in school, I went to buy canvas shoes for the sports classes and when I told him which size I wanted, the salesman just said one thing “Sir, the company doesn’t make shoes in such abnormal sizes”. I felt like an alien who was left behind by the spaceship!

Third, since tall people are easy to spot, they are very conveniently put to use as human watch towers, reference points and ladders. Whenever out in a group, if anyone strays away, I am invariably used as the reference and if I am found to be on my own, without the rest of the gang around, I am told to stick to the gang as it’s easy to spot me and hence the gang. Damn! I am tempted to file a complaint with the National Human Rights Commission!

Fourth, space is a constant constraint. Be it a car, a plane or a chair, nothing seems to have enough space. If I am in the front seat of a car, I have to push the seat back and unless it’s a really petite person sitting behind me, things seem cramped. In flights, I always have to ask the cabin crew to move me to a seat over the emergency exit and in my office, if I ever want to stretch my legs out, I have to be really careful lest I ram into someone standing right behind me because pushing the chair back means occupying more than half the space in the passage. Why can’t people just make things bigger to occupy extra large people like us?! Very unfair!

Fifth, it is difficult to hide. Countless times, I have wished that I was a little more compact so that I could just hide behind someone when people are looking for me. Especially those whom a want to avoid. Alas! I can’t!

Sixth, movement has to be extra careful because of the “far reaching effects” of the limbs. Two cases in point:

One day, I was standing beside my art partner, checking out the work that he was doing. Suddenly, for no apparent reason, he started hurling abuses at me. It was only after a few moments that I realized I was standing on his toes. And the other day, while paper-ball warfare was on in the office, I raised my leg in a mock kick to ward my art partner off. Unfortunately, I miscalculated the length and reach of my lower limbs and I struck him right…err…THERE. And he sank to the floor holding…err…THAT. My deepest condolences to his would be wife. The damage, I swear, was unintentional!

Seventh, being taller means having a larger frame and hence excess utilization of resources. For example, while a normal person can take a bath with two buckets of water, I need three. See? That’s two buckets of water wasted per day, considering I take a bath twice a day. So now calculate, how much wastage will that amount to, per year?! But it isn’t my fault, is it?!

Eighth, doctors say that taller people stand a higher chance of developing back problems at a later stage in life because of the longer spine. Wonderfully encouraging, must say!

Ninth, furniture is not made for such big people. And I mean furniture of any kind. Sometime back, when I had bruised my palm pretty bad and ended up with 32 stitches on them, there was one problem in addition to the fact that the blood wouldn’t stop. It was that I just wouldn’t fit into the damned stretcher that I was laid on! The lady who was giving me the stitches just said that it wasn’t her problem that I was bigger than the normal human size. Are the medical instruments’ companies listening?!

Tenth, at most times, people flatly refuse to walk alongside someone extra tall because they feel dwarfed. I am lucky that Little T and I never had that problem because she is tall too. Though, not abnormally tall. She is one person who looks wonderful with the height that she’s got. She is just perfect.

So, these were the disadvantages. Now, let me tell you of the advantages.

First, tall people get a better view of things in life. This statement is meant to be open ended so go ahead and make your own interpretations. Hehe…

Second, things can be reached for much more easily than for most people because all that tall people have to do is stretch their limbs out to the maximum.

Third, the ones who’re tall don’t have to worry about being left behind because in the rare case they are, all they have to do is take a few long strides to make up for the distance. Though I wish, every distance could be bridged just as easily…

Fourth, they do not have to worry about their hair being messed up because most people can’t look above their shoulders in any case. Now THAT is a real advantage I am talking about.

I wracked my brains a lot but couldn’t come up with more positive arguments. So that leaves the ratio of disadvantages to advantages at 10:4.

No wonder then, that it’s said that good things come in small packages. Though, I don’t complain about being tall. In fact I like it because people look up to me, quite literally.

If anyone has any more points to be added to the positives, please feel free to contribute because, honestly, I will be glad to include them!

Adios.

One fine day in the winter of ’07…

I opened my eyes. It was 1 O’clock in the table clock. It was pretty late but considering we had gone to sleep at 5 in the morning, it had to be late. “Office!”, I thought but then decided not to go. I knew that once I went, I would be stuck there for quite a while and I had no intentions of staying away from you for so long.

I turned and looked at you. You were sleeping like a baby. I kissed you on the forehead and adjusted the sheet on you. You, in turn wrapped your arm around me, still asleep. I looked at you for a while and then slid my arm under your head so that it was resting on my shoulder and I lay down again. I lay like that for quite a while; holding you in my arms. I didn’t want to budge because I knew that being a light sleeper, it might have disturbed your sleep. But finally I had to get up to make some lunch for us because I knew you would be famished the moment you woke up. So I carefully picked your head up and put it on the pillow. You opened your eyes for a brief moment, smiled at me, muttered good morning and curled up and went back to sleep. I thought you were absolutely adorable. I mean…you were hot and sexy and all that but above all, you were adorable!

I went to the kitchen to figure out what to make for you. I set the rice and dal for khichadi in the pressure cooker and then set down to shell green peas for the omelette. Suddenly, you crept into the kitchen as noiselessly as you could and hugged me from behind. Though I had heard you come in, I pretended to be surprised because I loved to see that joy on your face, of having surprised me and having played a prank successfully. You asked me what I was doing and I told you. You pondered over it for a while, asking me if you could help. I asked you go and watch some TV because I wanted to pamper you. You were my little princess, after all! But adamant that you have always been, you refused. Instead, you sat on the kitchen counter and started popping the green peas into your mouth one by one. I told you what they were for so you dropped a few into my mouth as well and said we could peel more if we needed. I remember you were grinning. I loved that mischief in your eyes. Then, as if to prove a point, you started shelling the remaining green peas but gave up after a few. Patience was never your forte dear…

Then you went out of the kitchen and took me along, giving me the logic that for you, spending time with me was important. Not food. I followed you out. Seldom had a disagreed with you. Lunch finally happened a couple of hours later.

Then, in the evening you wanted to have your favourite orange stick so we walked down the road to the ice cream vendor and I remember the joy on your face. Then we took a stroll in the park in the compound and you held me tight when you saw a stray dog run towards you.

We came back home and suddenly, at midnight, I remembered that I needed to pick up groceries so I told you that I would just be back but you were insistent that you wanted to come along. We went to the nearest 24/7 and you hugged me and kissed me at the far end of the store. Then you started grinning again, like you had just achieved something huge. I fell in love with you yet again. We shopped and came back home. Then we had dinner and by then you were exhausted. So I patted you to sleep. I remember I even tried singing a lullaby. But what can I say, I suck at singing! So you tried singing yourself to sleep and you made sure that you sang with a nasal voice. I remember the song too. It was “bugging you”.

All your sleep had suddenly vanished. We talked into wee hours of the night and finally held each other and slept.

Such was that one fine day in the winter of ’07. Today, however, things are different and you want to have nothing to do with me. You have probably moved to newer goals in life and you have more important tasks to accomplish. But I always wanted to be there by your side…in joy and sorrow alike. You’re gone princess, but the memories linger on…fresh as ever. I still love you just as much as I did then. I will always love you.

There are so many things that I think I will never be able to tell you now. But I hope the best happens to you my love. God bless you darling. So long…